Identifying You! :)

Over the last couple of months, I’ve been struggling with who I am. I’ve been caught between the people pleaser Cynethia and the I really don’t want to do that Cynethia. I’ve set goals for myself, and didn’t follow through with them. I struggled with love, trust, understanding, being overly emotional, to just down right being complicated.

I having falling apart, pick myself up, fell again and repeated. I neglected my site. Not to mention, I have a job that’s so demanding and tiring that all I want to do when I get home is take a nap at 3 in the afternoon. I say all this to say, I had a couple months of struggle. 🙂

When I realized, I was losing me. I couldn’t figure out where I went wrong. I had all these questions but not a single answer. I remember getting up going to work and doing my job but not feeling the joy I once had. Don’t get me wrong, I love my job and it is rewarding to do what I do and see the results. But….. No one tells you about the after effects of getting the things you love and losing you in the process.

Your friends and textbooks don’t say, “Girl you should make time for you.” You don’t work this hard just to work and not have fun. You need to stop doing everything and just do what you are required to do. No one says, in the working world people only do what is required. Because…. they have been doing the job for so many years, that they have become tired of doing extra of stuff.🤦‍♀️

When I say I was doing everything and feeling overworked. I felt like I had 8 arms and 2 legs and juggling at the same time. If my job offered it, I should have gotten a sticker that said ” the working horse: if you don’t do it, she will.” I was taking on other people’s job because I felt like I had to. Trust, they didn’t object to it; because someone else was doing their job. So they was like here take my workload, I’m just going to sit here and look good. I became tired and aggravated, to point that I started looking at people sideways. What I didn’t realize was, I didn’t set the ground rules when I first came in. I was so afraid of doing something wrong that I was working like my life and legacy depended on it. Which it didn’t, to be truthful and still don’t.

I didn’t want no marks , no F’s, no incomplete, no derogatory comments. Nothing! I was going to prove I was meant to be there and I was able to stand the test of time. Not paying attention to the fact that I was failing at life and failing myself in the process of pleasing a job that would still be there, after I had stress myself out. Let’s be honest, I was headed to stress land. I was on a one way ticket. I wanted so badly to speak up to people who felt like they could tell me what to do but didn’t have the credentials to back it up. Knowing deep down, I had a voice but at that time, the cat had my tongue. I wasn’t at my best and I wasn’t standing in my true form. I was standing in a window of fear and toxic energy that was causing me to question, Who am I?

Until I was able to realize that I was doing more harm than good. I kept this trend going for a few more months before I finally got myself together. Finally, I decide after reading a book that a co-worker had lend me called “TD. Jakes: Instincts,” This book spoke to me so much that I had a moment where I felt like he was sitting in my house, reprimanding me like he was my parent. It was at that moment, I started to realize I no longer wanted to be a yes woman. 🙂 I wanted to be Cynethia again and I knew that she was in there somewhere waiting for me to open the window. Hoping that I would free my inner voice and speak up for the person that my mother raised. Before I found me again, I was coming home complaining and wishing I would have spoke up for myself. Stress eating unhealthy foods and praying that it wouldn’t stick to my thighs, knowing good and well it was. 🤷‍♀️ But hey, it sure was tasty and it helped me bond with my inner struggle. On the weekends, I didn’t want to do nothing. I wanted to sleep. Nothing less, nothing more. No ambition to get stuff done, no determination, no perverances. Letting other opinion dictate what I should be doing, instead of following my instincts on what I know. Bishop Jakes said “Just because a person has more experience than you, doesn’t mean they know more than you.” I found that to be: the truth.

No one should ever make you question your ability to Identify You. No one should ever put fear or toxic energy in your thought process to make you feel like you don’t belong or fit the cause. If you didn’t belong or fit the cause you wouldn’t have made it this far. This is your proof that you belong and you don’t need someone else opinion that you don’t. Another quote I took from the book was “While you can respect others opinion, you cannot walk on someone else wisdom, who have never been on your level.” When I say I was shocked by these word….I was. Because…. in life we takes someone else words to heart way to often. We believe that if they are saying it, they mean it. Here’s a little secret, your enemy can say something that could put you in a worst case scenario. Knowing that it will take you off your game. People in this day an age don’t want someone else to shine because they know it will reflect on what they don’t have or strive to have. Harsh reality for a harsh world. We all like to try and see the good but in this thing called life , the bad balances everything out. You can’t have something positive without something negative popping up. And you can’t have something good without the bad. This is how life is meant to work and have been for many years. How you interpret it is how you see yourself at that moment. Life will only give you what you put out in the world. This is what I am realizing as become an older woman in my late 20s. You can’t have the good without bad. You can’t be at peace without finding what truly makes you happy. These are all things that Identifies You.

What did I do to get back to me? I found more positive things to make me change my outlook on my life. I listen to podcast,I read more books and quotes, I changed my circle of friends and watch who I let near me. But…. most importantly I follow my instincts because I know they won’t leave me hanging. I don’t do what I don’t want to do. I listen to others opinions but I don’t take it to heart anymore. I realize people like to talk and I no longer care; to be honest. I can’t change a person opinion and it’s not part of my job description, so why do I care. Once I came to that conclusion that everyone is not meant to like you and\or accept you. I freed my mind. Because their opinion does not help me pay my bills, feed my family, help me get in to the afterlife, put more money in my bank account. Help me do my job effectively. Why do I care? Some people love to hear themselves talk because they like the sound of their voices; it soothes their souls and put a bandaid on what they don’t want to face at that moment: Themselves.

One thing you can’t run from is YOU. Eventually you have to face you and your troubles (struggles). So I ask that you Identify you. No matter how strong we think we are, there is something that catches our tongues and hold on to them. Know the signs and knock them out the park. Before you become like me and forget your identity and lose who you are meant to be.

Until next time,

Cynethia🙂❤🙌

When do you say “I am enough”?

My 2019 has started off with some awesome days. As I type this I came to realization that I am enough. No one can tell me how to live my life, what to expect from my life, what I should focus on in my life. I am living my life for me. In 2019, I will not be afraid to take a risk.


When I came to this Epiphany, I was telling this guy, I liked him. I did say in 2019 I was going to go after everything I wanted no matter how scary it may be, I was going after it. So being the Scorpio ♏️ I am. I was like why not let him know you like him. So I did.


Well let just say after I did , the nerves set in and now my head/heart won’t (I did say I wasn’t going to use this word either.)stop thinking what have you done🤦🏾‍♀️. I remember I said I was not going to allow me to stand in my way. I meant what I said. This is when the words “I am enough” set in. I was getting ready to text him to forget it but then I was like girl get over yourself. You said your peace, let it go and move on.


So that’s what I did. We had a conversation and he expressed a different feeling because let’s just face it, I’m a lot to handle. Being a strong willed woman and a focus one at that can be a lot for one man to handle. Let me clarify, a lot for the wrong man to handle. One thing I do know, is how to be a woman who is supportive of a man she seeks and show him the affection he needs. Especially when it’s needed. So when he said he didn’t feel the same, I was disappointed at first but I quickly understood.


So when he ask to be friends, I was like cool. As I type this I’m moving past my feelings for him because he said he wanted to be friends but I’m seeing things differently. No, he doesn’t want a relationship but does he really want a friendship? Here’s where I learn to read the signs of what happening inside my circle that is ever so small. With my friends I communicate with them mostly every now and again. I check on them, I ask them what’s happening in their lives. You know the usual. I’m checking but he’s not. 🤷🏾‍♀️


Also, I remember I said if it doesn’t serve a purpose, I’m letting it go. It will be removed from my life. I meant that as well. What I don’t want to do is not be a supportive friend but I also like to be supported. I’ve dealt with the friends where the relationship was one-sided and I vowed to eliminate those kinds of relationships. I plan to keep that tradition in 2019. Right now I’m not seeing the purpose this person serves in my life. He’s just holding up space that could be use for someone who may need me to be a ear, shoulder or place to be true friend. I can’t be a true friend if this person won’t allow me in.


Though I know this may be hard for this person because My intuition says that he’s trying to figure me out as much as I’m trying figure him out. We may need to just part ways. If it’s meant to be we may meet again in the future. Then, just maybe we both will have some clarity on what we both want or he may meet his forever or I will meet mine. Either way we just can’t keeping going down a road that is not clear. It’s not a positive thing. It’s a hindering thing. What I will not allow is for something to hinder me in place that’s I can’t see the potential in its future. So today, I will be having a conversation with this person. If we can’t come to some sort of understanding/clarity then it time to remove it from my life.


When you feel like you are not enough. I want you to say to yourself, “I am enough.” Cancel those negative thoughts and focus on what you know and what you can do. Don’t focus on the what will happen if I say this or do this. Focus on the what will happen, if I spoke it into existence or what will happen if I took that step and followed through. Nine times out ten you will feel relieved and at peace. Take that step, it ok to be anxious but don’t block yourself from freedom.

Until next time,

Cynethia🙂

First Week Back to Work!!!!

My first week back to work:

As I was a little nervous getting ready to enter back into my routine, after being off for

the summer. 

With a feeling and a little voice inside my head telling me that I would be ok.

I still felt butterflies in my stomach like it was my first day. 

I remember entering into the same building for nine months only missing two but parts of me were still unsure.

I did my regular stuff, saw some of my co-workers and went into my orientation like any other day.

Little did I know, my gut was telling me that changes were happening.

After all the meetings and getting through the first half of the morning. 

I found out I would be moving from the very first place I ever worked for ☹.

Are you ready for the happy part:

Still a little scared but found out this place was super close to my home and had some of

my co-workers moving as well.  I was getting home before rush hour (💃). 

Plus, after the first few days, I felt a little better about this new change.

Changes you say:

One great part is it was within walking distances of my home. 

Some of my co-workers were joining me.

less traffic in the morning/ less hassle of having to plan my route to leave before the sun comes up.

peace of mind.

These are great changes and I look forward to achieving so many things with this new change.

PS, Change is better when you’re able to share it.

Share your change and I bet you will feel amazing about it.

Speak to you all soon,

Cynethia!

 

Hey all!!!

Long time no speak, I will be remodeling the site to better suit my ever-changing life. Then I will be writing more post on the changes that have happened in my life. As well as keeping you guys in tune with my day-to-day.

I will try to post on the weekends, once I get the site the way I want it.

Here to changes and growth.

Let’s chat!!!!!

I’ve been missing for a couple months. I think the last time I came to chat I was talking about losing a loved one. I spoke briefly about the death of my aunt and how I had some challenges with her passing, all while searching for a job.

So let’s catch up, shall we!!!!

In the last few months I’ve been running nonstop for job training, which was the most I’ve ran since I got out of college. In college, I was attending school 5- days a week. Now I work 5-days a week Monday thru Friday.

This all happen at the end of January going into the beginning of February. I started to actually working the beginning of February. No seriously, I got my congratulations email on the January 30th and picked my ID up on February 1st. Started work February 2nd, 2018.

Can you say moving at a fast pace. 😊

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In the last 2 months, I’ve been working for a job that I’ve always wanted. I won’t go into details about the company I work for but I will say I couldn’t be happier with my decision to keep my focus on this particular job. I checked everyday for a year to see if it was open to taking applications.

3 days after my aunt passed, I thought to look on the website to see if it was open. Low and behold on November 27th, 2017 the job that I’ve hope for opened. Now I don’t know about you but I felt that she was looking 👀 out for me. Thank you auntie and God.

The crazy thing was before she passed we was talking about me finding a job and she trying to convince me to take a job in New Jersey but I felt like that would not be the best decision for me. She told me to keep looking.

I spoke to my aunt 3 days before she passed and now 4 months has gone by and I couldn’t thank her enough for giving me the courage to keep fighting for what I wanted.

I now work at a job that does not feel like a job and I don’t wake up feeling like “oh no, I now have to get up and go to a job I don’t like.” I would have felt like that if I would have chosen to work for the company in New Jersey.

I say all that to say, we all have our struggles, but how we face those struggles determines how our lives will be changed. There is no right or wrong way to life but there will always be something that will come your way. What I will say is never stop searching for your dreams and aspirations.

No matter what you, must focus on your happiness. 🙂

PS. Thank you for sticking with me for the months I’ve been gone. I also might be changing a few things on this blog. Just so I can bring you along with me for my journey and not leave you behind.

We all need to stick together in this crazy world we are all we got. 😉

Love always,

Cynethia!!!!!!!!!

Take A Break!!!!

Hello Everyone,

I’ve been a little M.I.A lately that’s because I’m a working girl now. Remember a few months back when I was talking about “The Joy’s of Job Searching” Yeah me too. 🙂

So let’s have a little catch-up, should we?

In the months leading up to my conclusion of my job hunt. An important person that I was close to passed away. So I needed a break to focus on my grieving.  So I took a break from searching to have a few days to process the loss in my family.

Within that few days the job that I was seeking open up. I didn’t know what to think. I just thought back to a few months ago when I wrote a blog post about “When You Stop Worrying Things Change.” In my case, it took the loss of my loved one to get me to sit back wait.

I believe in faith and I believe there is something higher than we all can see. I was stressed about finding the perfect job when my perfect job found me.  I had no idea life works like that but it really does.

It was a blessing within a loss that gave me the courage to keep fighting in the end.  What I didn’t know was that this job opening was going to help me cope. It kept me on go so I didn’t have time to think about my loss.

Every single day was something I needed to do to get ready for this job. I was running from the time it opened to the time I finally picked up my work ID. It kept my mind in line. It didn’t stop from thinking about my loss. It helped me not go into a depression that would lead to me sorrowing in my grief.

Now that I’ve told you what I’ve been up to.

Let’s fast Forward to February 2, 2018, My first day of work. I love what I do and I’m thankful for what I’ve been through. I would love to have my loved one back and share the happy news about getting this job. For some reason, I believe she knows about it already.

Here are my thoughts you don’t have to be a believer to see that some blessings come with heart-wrenching losses. Sometimes those losses can teach you just how strong you are. My loved one is gone but I know for a fact she would be proud.

So until next time friend, Take a break and reflect on life’s true blessings,

Cynethia:)

When You Stop Worrying Things Change!

Have you ever heard of the saying “the more you worry the more you stress”?

Well it’s true for the past few months I’ve been doing more worrying and less relaxing. Sometimes those things that you worry about don’t need to be worried about. Those stressful situations that make you feel like nothing is changing you just keep reliving it over and over again. Here’s some advice, stop worrying, to be honest it already a part of a plan that will work out in the end. Easier said than done right! No,it not you just need to relax and go to your happy place. 🙂Watch how things change.

I had to make a choice if I wanted to keep stressing about what wasn’t happening or be thankful for what was happening. I thought I had to have everything figured out by the time the New Year had hit, which was causing me even more stressssss.

Nothing says Happy New Year without a plan.

I started 2017 with a bang and ended 2017 with sadness. With the loss of my aunt I was just going through the motions of wanting to be able to do something. So then I realize I was over killing my self with wanting to do this no, I want to do that. I couldn’t make up my mind. So now I have to much going on.😞 just over doing it for no reason.

I couldn’t keep up. I partially think I was grieving and I just wanted to get it out my mind that she was gone. To the point of wanting to just be doing something. Until I had no choice but to stop and pay attention to what was going on. At that point I sat down and just need to have pep talk with myself. I had to listen to my inner voice and give way to what was now taking over my life. Release the baggage that was holding me in this dark place. Between the grieving, the process of searching for a job I was going through it.

At that moment , I just decided that I was not going to continue on a path that was I was on. I knew it leading me to my downfall. This is when you know you need to worry less and relax more.

The morale of the story is once you figure out that worrying is not getting you anywhere and is not changing anything.it time for a new plan. Go to your happy place and figure out a better plan, unfold the plan, then live your best life with no stress.

Here’s the effects of worrying and stress:

1. You look older than you are. Stress puts years on your life.

2. You take on other people’s problems. When people tell you their problems since you have nothing to do with yours, unfortunately we go into a fix it mood and try and fit all their problems. You can’t fix other people problems.

3. Your brain is not working the way it should because you are overwhelmed with life.

4. Stress leads to depression. No explanation needed. Your in a darker place and the next thing to come with darkness is sadness.

5. Stress lead to weight gain. You start eating more because things in your life is not going well.

Just to name a few…..

worry less and enjoy life more!!!!!!!See how things will change.

Happy New Year!

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We are now in 2018, here’s to being successful the best way we know how.

Let Celebrate what we left and what we gained.

I’m thankful that we got through another year and thankful that even though it was tough we can say we made it.

I say 2018 I’m ready for whatever you have in store.

Happy New Year,

Cynethia.

Bullying

Hi Everybody,

I wanted to talk about something that I’ve experienced as a child.  Bullying!

Yes, I know we are seeing a lot of this in the news. So, I want to shed some light on the situation.

So here is my perspective on bullying:

When I say being bullied should never be a part of children’s life. I mean it. Experiencing bullying first hand has presented an understanding that life is not always peaches and cream.

Children who bully others may have been bullied themselves.  So the only way they know how to exist is to do what has been done to them.

I’m not saying it right but try to see it from both stand points. 


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I would never say that what I have witnessed in the news lately is right. I have watch children’s parents cry because bullying has taken something so precious away.

I will say this, I don’t like the fact that it takes a child to lose their life for the world to wake up and see that bullying is real.

I will say we all need to pay attention to the signs that a child is in distress. Meaning parents, teachers, counselors Etc.

We all need to do our part in helping these children.

There will always be signs something is wrong. Whether the child is not performing to best of their ability, always wanting to be alone, crying, not eating, misbehaving. These are all signs. Pay attention!! 


I know when I was younger.  Due to being bullied I never wanted to go to school. So I would act out and not do well on assignments so the school would have to send me to principal office, to make a phone call to my parent. Just so I could get a break from the bully. This person would always find a way to sit next to me and torment me.

There were plenty of times I spoke to the teacher about it. If he/ she didn’t see the person tormenting the child how can he/she discipline that particular student?   He/she can’t. So the abuse kept happening. I deeply was distress to point that I would pretend I was sick just to stay home.

Even when you speaking up for yourself,  the bully would continue to do it on the sly because now they know someone is watching. So every time the teacher would turn their back the bully would throw something, pull something and/or take something that belongs to another student.

This causes fights. As well as loss of confidence in one’s self.

I didn’t gain my confidence back until after I left Middle School.

So From the 6th to 8th grade. I dealt with 3 girls (Different grades and years)who thought it was ok to be mean and ruthless.


I was so tired of these girls that it got to the point that I had no choice but to inform my parent what was going on. It was to the point that they were following me to my after-school program. Throwing food at me at lunchtime. I was going home dirty like I was not able to feed myself properly.   Come on now I was in Middle School if I didn’t know how to feed myself correctly something was wrong.

So my parent started questioning, why are you coming home dirty every single day? This when I would break down and confessed that I was being bullied.

The tears came from me harboring it and just taking the abuse non- stop. Hoping someone would see and get these girls off my back.

It was so bad that one day after school I was jumped by these two sisters because they were angry about me helping the teacher. Like how foolish do you have to be? Now that I think about it they were just super jealous.

As a child, you don’t think like that. You’re just seeing these kids acting mean and snotty to you.  You just don’t understand it.  You try and deal with it.


Here’s how I dealt with it:

My parent could only do so much. She went to the police they could not do anything because they said I didn’t have any physical bruises. So they couldn’t arrest these girls. So that didn’t help.

In the end, I was left with less hope.

So then she went to the school:

At the time schools was doing meetings. Where you have a sit down with the parent(s) of the bully, the bullies, the parent of the victim and the victim. You sit with the dean of the school you have a conversation about what needs to change and the victim then has to explain what they are feeling. To me, it was the worse thing to have to explain my pain to these girls who were the ones who provoked it. Only to have them use my pain against me.

Their parent told my parent kids will be kids and we would be friends after this was all over.

NOT A Chance that was happening. Tuhh

I wanted to be done with them as soon as possible and the quarter could not come to a close fast enough.


Here is my is my advice for the victims:

You are not alone, you can get through this by speaking up and standing tall. Life gets better and you will go on to be an amazing individual. I went on to be a college grad. I met so really amazing people along those course of my life which is not over yet.

You can only get better. This also taught me how to treat others because it’s so much better to treat people with kindness.

Keep being you. If you don’t have anything world you have you. No one can be you but you. Let those kids know you are not breakable. You don’t have to tell them, show them.

I stand with you. You don’t have to go at it alone.

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