When do you say “I am enough”?

My 2019 has started off with some awesome days. As I type this I came to realization that I am enough. No one can tell me how to live my life, what to expect from my life, what I should focus on in my life. I am living my life for me. In 2019, I will not be afraid to take a risk.


When I came to this Epiphany, I was telling this guy, I liked him. I did say in 2019 I was going to go after everything I wanted no matter how scary it may be, I was going after it. So being the Scorpio ♏️ I am. I was like why not let him know you like him. So I did.


Well let just say after I did , the nerves set in and now my head/heart won’t (I did say I wasn’t going to use this word either.)stop thinking what have you done🤦🏾‍♀️. I remember I said I was not going to allow me to stand in my way. I meant what I said. This is when the words “I am enough” set in. I was getting ready to text him to forget it but then I was like girl get over yourself. You said your peace, let it go and move on.


So that’s what I did. We had a conversation and he expressed a different feeling because let’s just face it, I’m a lot to handle. Being a strong willed woman and a focus one at that can be a lot for one man to handle. Let me clarify, a lot for the wrong man to handle. One thing I do know, is how to be a woman who is supportive of a man she seeks and show him the affection he needs. Especially when it’s needed. So when he said he didn’t feel the same, I was disappointed at first but I quickly understood.


So when he ask to be friends, I was like cool. As I type this I’m moving past my feelings for him because he said he wanted to be friends but I’m seeing things differently. No, he doesn’t want a relationship but does he really want a friendship? Here’s where I learn to read the signs of what happening inside my circle that is ever so small. With my friends I communicate with them mostly every now and again. I check on them, I ask them what’s happening in their lives. You know the usual. I’m checking but he’s not. 🤷🏾‍♀️


Also, I remember I said if it doesn’t serve a purpose, I’m letting it go. It will be removed from my life. I meant that as well. What I don’t want to do is not be a supportive friend but I also like to be supported. I’ve dealt with the friends where the relationship was one-sided and I vowed to eliminate those kinds of relationships. I plan to keep that tradition in 2019. Right now I’m not seeing the purpose this person serves in my life. He’s just holding up space that could be use for someone who may need me to be a ear, shoulder or place to be true friend. I can’t be a true friend if this person won’t allow me in.


Though I know this may be hard for this person because My intuition says that he’s trying to figure me out as much as I’m trying figure him out. We may need to just part ways. If it’s meant to be we may meet again in the future. Then, just maybe we both will have some clarity on what we both want or he may meet his forever or I will meet mine. Either way we just can’t keeping going down a road that is not clear. It’s not a positive thing. It’s a hindering thing. What I will not allow is for something to hinder me in place that’s I can’t see the potential in its future. So today, I will be having a conversation with this person. If we can’t come to some sort of understanding/clarity then it time to remove it from my life.


When you feel like you are not enough. I want you to say to yourself, “I am enough.” Cancel those negative thoughts and focus on what you know and what you can do. Don’t focus on the what will happen if I say this or do this. Focus on the what will happen, if I spoke it into existence or what will happen if I took that step and followed through. Nine times out ten you will feel relieved and at peace. Take that step, it ok to be anxious but don’t block yourself from freedom.

Until next time,

Cynethia🙂

Let’s chat!!!!!

I’ve been missing for a couple months. I think the last time I came to chat I was talking about losing a loved one. I spoke briefly about the death of my aunt and how I had some challenges with her passing, all while searching for a job.

So let’s catch up, shall we!!!!

In the last few months I’ve been running nonstop for job training, which was the most I’ve ran since I got out of college. In college, I was attending school 5- days a week. Now I work 5-days a week Monday thru Friday.

This all happen at the end of January going into the beginning of February. I started to actually working the beginning of February. No seriously, I got my congratulations email on the January 30th and picked my ID up on February 1st. Started work February 2nd, 2018.

Can you say moving at a fast pace. 😊

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In the last 2 months, I’ve been working for a job that I’ve always wanted. I won’t go into details about the company I work for but I will say I couldn’t be happier with my decision to keep my focus on this particular job. I checked everyday for a year to see if it was open to taking applications.

3 days after my aunt passed, I thought to look on the website to see if it was open. Low and behold on November 27th, 2017 the job that I’ve hope for opened. Now I don’t know about you but I felt that she was looking 👀 out for me. Thank you auntie and God.

The crazy thing was before she passed we was talking about me finding a job and she trying to convince me to take a job in New Jersey but I felt like that would not be the best decision for me. She told me to keep looking.

I spoke to my aunt 3 days before she passed and now 4 months has gone by and I couldn’t thank her enough for giving me the courage to keep fighting for what I wanted.

I now work at a job that does not feel like a job and I don’t wake up feeling like “oh no, I now have to get up and go to a job I don’t like.” I would have felt like that if I would have chosen to work for the company in New Jersey.

I say all that to say, we all have our struggles, but how we face those struggles determines how our lives will be changed. There is no right or wrong way to life but there will always be something that will come your way. What I will say is never stop searching for your dreams and aspirations.

No matter what you, must focus on your happiness. 🙂

PS. Thank you for sticking with me for the months I’ve been gone. I also might be changing a few things on this blog. Just so I can bring you along with me for my journey and not leave you behind.

We all need to stick together in this crazy world we are all we got. 😉

Love always,

Cynethia!!!!!!!!!

When You Stop Worrying Things Change!

Have you ever heard of the saying “the more you worry the more you stress”?

Well it’s true for the past few months I’ve been doing more worrying and less relaxing. Sometimes those things that you worry about don’t need to be worried about. Those stressful situations that make you feel like nothing is changing you just keep reliving it over and over again. Here’s some advice, stop worrying, to be honest it already a part of a plan that will work out in the end. Easier said than done right! No,it not you just need to relax and go to your happy place. 🙂Watch how things change.

I had to make a choice if I wanted to keep stressing about what wasn’t happening or be thankful for what was happening. I thought I had to have everything figured out by the time the New Year had hit, which was causing me even more stressssss.

Nothing says Happy New Year without a plan.

I started 2017 with a bang and ended 2017 with sadness. With the loss of my aunt I was just going through the motions of wanting to be able to do something. So then I realize I was over killing my self with wanting to do this no, I want to do that. I couldn’t make up my mind. So now I have to much going on.😞 just over doing it for no reason.

I couldn’t keep up. I partially think I was grieving and I just wanted to get it out my mind that she was gone. To the point of wanting to just be doing something. Until I had no choice but to stop and pay attention to what was going on. At that point I sat down and just need to have pep talk with myself. I had to listen to my inner voice and give way to what was now taking over my life. Release the baggage that was holding me in this dark place. Between the grieving, the process of searching for a job I was going through it.

At that moment , I just decided that I was not going to continue on a path that was I was on. I knew it leading me to my downfall. This is when you know you need to worry less and relax more.

The morale of the story is once you figure out that worrying is not getting you anywhere and is not changing anything.it time for a new plan. Go to your happy place and figure out a better plan, unfold the plan, then live your best life with no stress.

Here’s the effects of worrying and stress:

1. You look older than you are. Stress puts years on your life.

2. You take on other people’s problems. When people tell you their problems since you have nothing to do with yours, unfortunately we go into a fix it mood and try and fit all their problems. You can’t fix other people problems.

3. Your brain is not working the way it should because you are overwhelmed with life.

4. Stress leads to depression. No explanation needed. Your in a darker place and the next thing to come with darkness is sadness.

5. Stress lead to weight gain. You start eating more because things in your life is not going well.

Just to name a few…..

worry less and enjoy life more!!!!!!!See how things will change.

Bullying

Hi Everybody,

I wanted to talk about something that I’ve experienced as a child.  Bullying!

Yes, I know we are seeing a lot of this in the news. So, I want to shed some light on the situation.

So here is my perspective on bullying:

When I say being bullied should never be a part of children’s life. I mean it. Experiencing bullying first hand has presented an understanding that life is not always peaches and cream.

Children who bully others may have been bullied themselves.  So the only way they know how to exist is to do what has been done to them.

I’m not saying it right but try to see it from both stand points. 


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I would never say that what I have witnessed in the news lately is right. I have watch children’s parents cry because bullying has taken something so precious away.

I will say this, I don’t like the fact that it takes a child to lose their life for the world to wake up and see that bullying is real.

I will say we all need to pay attention to the signs that a child is in distress. Meaning parents, teachers, counselors Etc.

We all need to do our part in helping these children.

There will always be signs something is wrong. Whether the child is not performing to best of their ability, always wanting to be alone, crying, not eating, misbehaving. These are all signs. Pay attention!! 


I know when I was younger.  Due to being bullied I never wanted to go to school. So I would act out and not do well on assignments so the school would have to send me to principal office, to make a phone call to my parent. Just so I could get a break from the bully. This person would always find a way to sit next to me and torment me.

There were plenty of times I spoke to the teacher about it. If he/ she didn’t see the person tormenting the child how can he/she discipline that particular student?   He/she can’t. So the abuse kept happening. I deeply was distress to point that I would pretend I was sick just to stay home.

Even when you speaking up for yourself,  the bully would continue to do it on the sly because now they know someone is watching. So every time the teacher would turn their back the bully would throw something, pull something and/or take something that belongs to another student.

This causes fights. As well as loss of confidence in one’s self.

I didn’t gain my confidence back until after I left Middle School.

So From the 6th to 8th grade. I dealt with 3 girls (Different grades and years)who thought it was ok to be mean and ruthless.


I was so tired of these girls that it got to the point that I had no choice but to inform my parent what was going on. It was to the point that they were following me to my after-school program. Throwing food at me at lunchtime. I was going home dirty like I was not able to feed myself properly.   Come on now I was in Middle School if I didn’t know how to feed myself correctly something was wrong.

So my parent started questioning, why are you coming home dirty every single day? This when I would break down and confessed that I was being bullied.

The tears came from me harboring it and just taking the abuse non- stop. Hoping someone would see and get these girls off my back.

It was so bad that one day after school I was jumped by these two sisters because they were angry about me helping the teacher. Like how foolish do you have to be? Now that I think about it they were just super jealous.

As a child, you don’t think like that. You’re just seeing these kids acting mean and snotty to you.  You just don’t understand it.  You try and deal with it.


Here’s how I dealt with it:

My parent could only do so much. She went to the police they could not do anything because they said I didn’t have any physical bruises. So they couldn’t arrest these girls. So that didn’t help.

In the end, I was left with less hope.

So then she went to the school:

At the time schools was doing meetings. Where you have a sit down with the parent(s) of the bully, the bullies, the parent of the victim and the victim. You sit with the dean of the school you have a conversation about what needs to change and the victim then has to explain what they are feeling. To me, it was the worse thing to have to explain my pain to these girls who were the ones who provoked it. Only to have them use my pain against me.

Their parent told my parent kids will be kids and we would be friends after this was all over.

NOT A Chance that was happening. Tuhh

I wanted to be done with them as soon as possible and the quarter could not come to a close fast enough.


Here is my is my advice for the victims:

You are not alone, you can get through this by speaking up and standing tall. Life gets better and you will go on to be an amazing individual. I went on to be a college grad. I met so really amazing people along those course of my life which is not over yet.

You can only get better. This also taught me how to treat others because it’s so much better to treat people with kindness.

Keep being you. If you don’t have anything world you have you. No one can be you but you. Let those kids know you are not breakable. You don’t have to tell them, show them.

I stand with you. You don’t have to go at it alone.

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Busy Days Are Sometimes The Most Joyous Days!

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As I write this my apartment is getting painted and I’ve been running like a mad woman.

There is nothing more joyous than putting in the work to complete that to-do list that keeps growing a little longer each day.

Now I don’t even bother with feeling the stress of a busy day. I look at it as it’s a productive day.

Some would say, your busiest day is how you know you are moving forward.

For some, this is the busiest time of the year. We are on our merry way to some family time and some much-needed relaxation time.

The holiday season is fast approaching, we gather with our families and friends and spend those happy moments with one another when nothing else matters.

So our days get a little more occupied with the shopping, cooking, wrapping and other sorts of things. While trying to juggle our day to day basic needs.

I cherish the moment when I’ve completed everything on that extremely long list.

BUT!!!!!

One thing I don’t do is beat myself up about not getting everything done on that list. Don’t get me wrong I love to complete everything on it but I know that I only have so many hours in a day.

So here’s a little advice don’t beat yourself up when you haven’t completed everything on that todo list. Save some for the next day. 🙂

 

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!!!!!!!

I hope your homes are filled with love and nothing but joy.

Love always,

Cynethia.

You Can Never Be Too Thankful

As we inch closer to Thanksgiving and as my 26th birthday(November 1st) just past. I feel even more thankful for everything I have. I’m learning the true meaning of being thankful for what you have and what you don’t.

There is nothing more profound than understanding the true meaning of family, happiness, growth, and love.

Let’s talk about family:

My family is my world. We may go through our differences but one thing still remains the same is we will always be FAMILY.

Sometimes that hardest job I have is trying to make sure everyone is ok. I am so focused on making sure no one wants for anything that I forget to think about Cynethia.

This is where your family comes in and reminds me of what’s important.

No family does not have to be blood to bring you back to reality.

Now let’s talk about happiness:

As I inch closer to 30, the only thing that I focus on now is my happiness. If it does not bring me happiness, I move away from it.  I don’t focus on it.

In fact, it doesn’t even catch my attention.  I just don’t see it. This is what keeps my happiness at a balance and understanding that life is too short to focus on things that don’t bring joy and happiness.

How has my growth changed my life?:

My growth has been on top since knowing that I’m changing certain things in my life. Growth and happiness to me go hand and hand. If I’m not happy, how can I grow from the experience?

The growth of understanding that life waits for no one. Is becoming more and more a single statement in my life. It’s a staple of knowing that I am changing for the better. This is also a way of me showing myself how much of an adult I’m becoming.

Who says adult life is not worth trying. No doubt it’s not easy but anything worth having is worth working hard for.

A little hard work doesn’t kill anyone.

Last but not least Love:

Have you ever love something or someone so much that all you ever want to see is it flourish to unprecedented heights. 

I for one love to see people excel to some of the most amazing people they can be. I guess this comes with growth.

I don’t like the idea of not wishing others well.  I love to see people around me be as successful as they see themselves and if I can help in any way. I chose to be right by their side in any shape or form. 

I’ve grown a custom to loving other through their joy, sorrow, and pain. Nothing makes me love life more than putting my best effort forward and helping others through their most trying times.

Love does not have to be a romantic relationship. It can be unbelieve friendship, business (You can love a business) or just plain ole love. 

I want you to write down on a piece of paper or your laptop(whatever method you prefer):,

What your family means to you?

What brings you happiness?

what helps you grow?

How love changed your life?

And then reflect on what your you are thankful for. 

What Is Understood Don’t Need To Be Explained!

Here’s how I feel about this topic. When you have an understanding of what you want from your life, you don’t have to explain it to others. 

I’ve come to understand that people will want you to explain everything to them so they can be part of your circle. Not everyone deserves to be part of your circle.

Have you ever heard of the saying some people are meant to be in your life for a season?

I’m a true believer that some people are meant to be in your life for a season. When you start feeling like you have to explain yourself to people who can’t be happy for your growth or your success because they feel like you changed. Here’s the thing, You’ve outgrown them! point blanket period.

Those are the people who are only meant to be in your life for a season.

When you feel like they have something negative to say about how far you have come.

And when your feelings have changed about hanging out with them.

That’s when you know you’ve outgrown them. 

It’s never a mistake to grow, it’s only a mistake to feel like you have to hold yourself back to make other’s feel comfortable.  

Let me ask you this If you were giving a job opportunity to move up in your career and that means your not able to hang out as much with your friends.

So they start to feel like you’ve abandoned them. 

They start to complain about how you’ve changed and you don’t come around as much any more etc.  We’ve all been there.

Here’s A question:

Are you going to resign from your job?

I’ll wait………..

Here’s the answer:

I don’t think so. Especially if you’re going to make enough money to get that dream house or car you’ve been eyeing. 

So why should you resign from making your life better or feeling guilty about making the right choices for you?  

Here’s another solution:

Stop explaining yourself and do what you have to do to be successful.  If that means shying away from being in places that could make your image bad. 

Don’t go!

If you have to think about it wasn’t right for you in the first place. If you feel like it’s pulling teeth to be in places that make you feel uncomfortable. But makes your friends comfortable. Then you need to re-evaluate your circle.  

If they were your real friends they would know that you don’t like certain things and won’t invite you to these places.  You don’t need to be at every function.  Just like they don’t need to know every detail about your growth.  I would say just tell them the important things.  

It’s never ok to hide your success out of fear of what others think. 

 

So what is understood don’t need to be explained. 

 

 

 

Your struggles should be the backdrop to your success: My Story.

Evey struggle that you’ve ever faced should be a lesson. I’ve discovered that your struggles will teach you things about yourself.

Every time you are going through something, you should look at it as a new lesson and a blessing.

Every time you feel like you are ready to give up, take a second and count the many other lessons you’ve learned.

As I get older, I realize that life will only provide struggles you can handle.

Here’s one of my struggles,

Most of my school life I’ve had to strive to get an education. Due to the fact, I have a learning disability. I didn’t learn the material as fast as my peers, so I was labeled.

With a learning disability, you have so many challenges place upon you that the world just doesn’t understand. Besides the people who have one.

You have the added pressure of executing things on time and making sure you work as hard as the other students so you won’t be singled out.

Not to mention kids picking on you when you’re just trying to do the best you can.

I not only faced the bullying, I also had to face a school system that was not designed to help me succeed.

Once I completed middle school,  like any other student in the USA, You go off and start your high school years.

High school is supposed to teach you about hard work and getting you ready for college and your adult life. My high school experience was nothing like that at all.

I would probably say it was the worse thing ever, to be completely honest.

Here’s my story,

When I started high school,  I was excited and ready to do things that I’ve seen my friends do. Like travel to school by myself, meet new people, get to learn new material, all this great stuff that comes with attending high school.

I went into a class that was the perfect size for me. Not too big, not too small.  It was a class for kids with a learning disability. So the children were just like me.  I don’t remember what they called it but I was excelling in that class because of how small it was. Not too many distractions just enough children to get you help if needed it.

It was going so well my first year, I finished my freshman year with all A’s.

Here comes the struggle,

When I entered to my sophomore year, NYC Lawmakers decides that they needed to change the policy for students with learning disabilities and proceed to put them in a class with 30 or more students.

which  I think it was called a general education class with teacher support.

Yeah, my education went downhill from there.

I was struggling to keep my grades up. Let’s be honest I wasn’t learning anything at all. There were so many distractions and the teachers could not help me because they were dealing with over 30 or more students.

Talk about a dilemma.

My mother started to see that I was not performing as well as. This when she began to investigate. Thank God for mom’s who know their children.

I went from A’s to summer school and repeating the same grade twice. Yeah, talk about bad. It was bad.

Talk about a bad high school experience. I would have been ok with being embarrassed by others knowing my high school crush.

Never thought I would have to be in a situation that would be detrimental to my future.

This caused me graduate late and I ended up in homeschool after my mother took me out the high school that was not suitable for me anymore. Which is a whole another story because they tried to take me away from my mother. They refuse to give my mother a transfer so she could put me somewhere else that could benefit me in the long run.

The positive:

I ended up in best thing that could have ever happen to me which was homeschool. The Blessing. The one on one attention had me focus. I finished and went on to college an excelled in that as well.

Talk about a struggle of life.

Here’s what I learned,

Just think, if I would have given up and told my mother to stop fighting because I was in deep depression and couldn’t find my footing and kept slipping on the ice that was in front of me.

I was in a dark hole with no light, no hand, a little bit of faith.

I fought my faith after realizing that there was calling on my life and listening to Cece Winans song called Waging War. I didn’t know at the time that calling was for me to help others. Now that I look back at my early years, I realize I was always helping someone.

This is what I’m  supposed to do. I learned that my struggle taught me how to be positive in the midst of adversity.

This is why I try to see the positive in any situation because I just don’t think anything can get me in a serious depression as I once was.

I was at my worse and  I could not see the light. I was hoping for the light but there wasn’t any.

Learning that you can put your best effort into anything and still fall a little short until its time for you to shine.

The lesson I was supposed to learn was that if you have faith anything is possible.

Before high school I was not living I was existing and not putting my best foot forward. I can admit that because now I see how far I’ve come.

The message:

Don’t hide from your struggles. Face them because the lessons you will receive will be amazing. I may not like every struggle I face but I know that those struggle will come with a blessing that will have me reaching for any star within my grasp or beyond.

Focus on the positive because it will get you through anything. The negative will only keep you down.

 

 

The Joy of Job Searching: My Tips

Searching for a job has been the most tiring process ever. If you are just getting out of college and/or almost finished. But you are ready to start looking for work please have patience because it will not be an easy task.

When I was in School  I did go to the job fair, I attended the career center meetings.  Made friends with loads of people in my major department. Friendly to anybody that would talk to me. Became my school’s computer club president.  You name it I did it. All while keeping my grades up. Talk about trying to make sure my resume look good.

Still no Luck!

Networking:

let’s be honest, I did do some networking but it wasn’t enough. I could have done more.

This is something I wish I knew before completing my college education. 

Here how you should network:

  • Interact with people in your department. (Don’t be afraid say hi, good morning, this will help you in the end.)
  • Get to know your career center very well.(Something I wish knew instead of just going for meetings and fairs.)
  • Ask your friends and family if they have any recommendations (Something I started so late. Don’t be like me start early.) 
  • Apply for an internship while you’re still in school. (Man, did I make a big mistake by not applying for all the internships that were on my department’s counter.)  I probably would be working right now had I done that.
  • Here is why I say that internships sometimes turn into permanent positions. Plus it can count as experience. You will see why I say that as you read on.
  • Speak to your department’s chairperson. (I spoke, I just never ask questions or see if she could help me with life after college.)
  • Get involved with other clubs not just your department’s. The bright side is it could lead to other offers. 

One of the hardest things I’m finding searching for a job is the experience you need to get the job. Everything needs to be a certain number of certifications and years of experience.

Something that has me curious is:

Drum roll, please…………

Why is it that jobs are no longer training you anymore?  Don’t you need to be taught how things work in a new environment and not just know everything right off the back?

Another Thing:

Give yourself a Pep talk:

You need to encourage yourself because it can become a bit much. Looking continuously every single day. You can feel down.  Especially with the everyday life struggles. And you start to feel like you are losing this battle but you are not.

Here what I say to myself:

  • I have what it takes to keep looking.
  • I’m going to find a job 
  • Have faith in the midst of the struggle.
  • This is just a test.
  • Life will get better.

Have a routine: 

Here’ s why I say this. You can search so much that you become so stressed. Know when it’s time to stop.

I was waking up like I had an actual job and making it feel like a chore. So I was so stressed out. To the point, I needed a break. And you know what I did  I took the break. The best decision I made for myself.

Here’s my old routine:

  • Wake up between hours of 6-7 AM.
  • Thanking  God for giving me another day. (Just my personal preference.)
  • Go make my breakfast/ start the computer up so it will be ready after I eat.
  • While eating breakfast, phone in hand, I’d  check emails to see if I have any offers for interviews.
  • Finish eating.
  • Wash my dishes.
  • Grab my chair/ type my password into my computer.
  • Proceeds with my search.
  • Around 11 or 12, I’d take my lunch break.
  • Around 1, I return to my computer and finish searching.
  • You get the point until about 4pm  when I’ve had enough of placing resume on site that would be suitable for my career.

Can you say dedicated? 🙂

I was so invested in finding a job that by the time 4 PM came around I was over it and wanted to be done with it.

Don’t do this to yourself, I repeat don’t do it to yourself.

Set boundaries.

Know when you’ve had enough.

When I Realized that everything is going to be alright:

There is nothing crazier to me rather than trying to find a job in something you’ve done your whole life and still don’t have enough experience to actually get the job.

*Rolls eyes completely.*

The Struggle is real.

There is something to be said about having patience and focusing on the goal of working. You need a strong support system to get you through this tiring process. Because your emotions will be through the roof. You’ll feel like you went to school for nothing and feel like you need to go back because that’s what everyone is telling you.

Wait, There’s always catch,

If you are like me and you don’t have the money. Plus, you don’t want to take out a loan Because of your fear of being in debt.

Yeah, I feel your pain.

Who said I wanted to be in debt my whole life. No one mentions getting an education and then having to go back and get more knowledge and spending more money which does not guarantee you a job.

All it means is you took the step for you to have a better shot at getting your feet a little closer to meeting the target of what is required of you.

*confused look.*

Another question:

How can you get the experience if you are always in class? Here are things our present and past college/university students would like answers to.

Here are things our past and present college students would like answers to.

In conclusion

If I would have known it would have taken this long  I would have started searching while I was still in school. Don’t get me wrong, I love the idea of working hard to find something that suits you. But jeez-Louise I have been out of school for months now.  Graduated in June 2017 but have been done since December 2016.  It has been almost a year of no luck.

BUT,

After all these questions, I realize that everything is going to be alright because I have faith that something will come through for me.

So the joy of searching will continue.