When do you say “I am enough”?

My 2019 has started off with some awesome days. As I type this I came to realization that I am enough. No one can tell me how to live my life, what to expect from my life, what I should focus on in my life. I am living my life for me. In 2019, I will not be afraid to take a risk.


When I came to this Epiphany, I was telling this guy, I liked him. I did say in 2019 I was going to go after everything I wanted no matter how scary it may be, I was going after it. So being the Scorpio ♏️ I am. I was like why not let him know you like him. So I did.


Well let just say after I did , the nerves set in and now my head/heart won’t (I did say I wasn’t going to use this word either.)stop thinking what have you done🤦🏾‍♀️. I remember I said I was not going to allow me to stand in my way. I meant what I said. This is when the words “I am enough” set in. I was getting ready to text him to forget it but then I was like girl get over yourself. You said your peace, let it go and move on.


So that’s what I did. We had a conversation and he expressed a different feeling because let’s just face it, I’m a lot to handle. Being a strong willed woman and a focus one at that can be a lot for one man to handle. Let me clarify, a lot for the wrong man to handle. One thing I do know, is how to be a woman who is supportive of a man she seeks and show him the affection he needs. Especially when it’s needed. So when he said he didn’t feel the same, I was disappointed at first but I quickly understood.


So when he ask to be friends, I was like cool. As I type this I’m moving past my feelings for him because he said he wanted to be friends but I’m seeing things differently. No, he doesn’t want a relationship but does he really want a friendship? Here’s where I learn to read the signs of what happening inside my circle that is ever so small. With my friends I communicate with them mostly every now and again. I check on them, I ask them what’s happening in their lives. You know the usual. I’m checking but he’s not. 🤷🏾‍♀️


Also, I remember I said if it doesn’t serve a purpose, I’m letting it go. It will be removed from my life. I meant that as well. What I don’t want to do is not be a supportive friend but I also like to be supported. I’ve dealt with the friends where the relationship was one-sided and I vowed to eliminate those kinds of relationships. I plan to keep that tradition in 2019. Right now I’m not seeing the purpose this person serves in my life. He’s just holding up space that could be use for someone who may need me to be a ear, shoulder or place to be true friend. I can’t be a true friend if this person won’t allow me in.


Though I know this may be hard for this person because My intuition says that he’s trying to figure me out as much as I’m trying figure him out. We may need to just part ways. If it’s meant to be we may meet again in the future. Then, just maybe we both will have some clarity on what we both want or he may meet his forever or I will meet mine. Either way we just can’t keeping going down a road that is not clear. It’s not a positive thing. It’s a hindering thing. What I will not allow is for something to hinder me in place that’s I can’t see the potential in its future. So today, I will be having a conversation with this person. If we can’t come to some sort of understanding/clarity then it time to remove it from my life.


When you feel like you are not enough. I want you to say to yourself, “I am enough.” Cancel those negative thoughts and focus on what you know and what you can do. Don’t focus on the what will happen if I say this or do this. Focus on the what will happen, if I spoke it into existence or what will happen if I took that step and followed through. Nine times out ten you will feel relieved and at peace. Take that step, it ok to be anxious but don’t block yourself from freedom.

Until next time,

Cynethia🙂

Welcome, 2019!

Happy New Year, I would like to do some reflecting on the past year.

From starting a new job, planning for my future, to setting plans and procedures to help make it thru the upcoming year(2019).

We are now, 6 days in, I can say honestly that I never felt so good about a year, even though it just started.

My plan is to make this year my best from working hard at a job I love, to focusing on being a woman of growth and strength. As well as taking the good and the bad with the outlook of a positive outcome. Whether it is the outcome I wanted or the outcome that was needed. I plan to make the best of it no matter what.

This year I will only focus on the positive. My mindset is that I will no longer allow the negative to impact my mind, my soul, my performance, my ethics, nothing that I know that as a strong-willed woman that I can control. I will no longer allow it to have a hold on me, it will be ignored and pushed out of my thought process.

I’m no longer using words such as can’t and won’t. These are words that hold negative endings. Well to me it does. I will not be limiting myself from trying to conquer every challenge that is placed in front of me.

So here is to the New Year. Let’s fight for what we want and taking every step, not just the first few.

Let’s chat!!!!!

I’ve been missing for a couple months. I think the last time I came to chat I was talking about losing a loved one. I spoke briefly about the death of my aunt and how I had some challenges with her passing, all while searching for a job.

So let’s catch up, shall we!!!!

In the last few months I’ve been running nonstop for job training, which was the most I’ve ran since I got out of college. In college, I was attending school 5- days a week. Now I work 5-days a week Monday thru Friday.

This all happen at the end of January going into the beginning of February. I started to actually working the beginning of February. No seriously, I got my congratulations email on the January 30th and picked my ID up on February 1st. Started work February 2nd, 2018.

Can you say moving at a fast pace. 😊

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In the last 2 months, I’ve been working for a job that I’ve always wanted. I won’t go into details about the company I work for but I will say I couldn’t be happier with my decision to keep my focus on this particular job. I checked everyday for a year to see if it was open to taking applications.

3 days after my aunt passed, I thought to look on the website to see if it was open. Low and behold on November 27th, 2017 the job that I’ve hope for opened. Now I don’t know about you but I felt that she was looking 👀 out for me. Thank you auntie and God.

The crazy thing was before she passed we was talking about me finding a job and she trying to convince me to take a job in New Jersey but I felt like that would not be the best decision for me. She told me to keep looking.

I spoke to my aunt 3 days before she passed and now 4 months has gone by and I couldn’t thank her enough for giving me the courage to keep fighting for what I wanted.

I now work at a job that does not feel like a job and I don’t wake up feeling like “oh no, I now have to get up and go to a job I don’t like.” I would have felt like that if I would have chosen to work for the company in New Jersey.

I say all that to say, we all have our struggles, but how we face those struggles determines how our lives will be changed. There is no right or wrong way to life but there will always be something that will come your way. What I will say is never stop searching for your dreams and aspirations.

No matter what you, must focus on your happiness. 🙂

PS. Thank you for sticking with me for the months I’ve been gone. I also might be changing a few things on this blog. Just so I can bring you along with me for my journey and not leave you behind.

We all need to stick together in this crazy world we are all we got. 😉

Love always,

Cynethia!!!!!!!!!

When You Stop Worrying Things Change!

Have you ever heard of the saying “the more you worry the more you stress”?

Well it’s true for the past few months I’ve been doing more worrying and less relaxing. Sometimes those things that you worry about don’t need to be worried about. Those stressful situations that make you feel like nothing is changing you just keep reliving it over and over again. Here’s some advice, stop worrying, to be honest it already a part of a plan that will work out in the end. Easier said than done right! No,it not you just need to relax and go to your happy place. 🙂Watch how things change.

I had to make a choice if I wanted to keep stressing about what wasn’t happening or be thankful for what was happening. I thought I had to have everything figured out by the time the New Year had hit, which was causing me even more stressssss.

Nothing says Happy New Year without a plan.

I started 2017 with a bang and ended 2017 with sadness. With the loss of my aunt I was just going through the motions of wanting to be able to do something. So then I realize I was over killing my self with wanting to do this no, I want to do that. I couldn’t make up my mind. So now I have to much going on.😞 just over doing it for no reason.

I couldn’t keep up. I partially think I was grieving and I just wanted to get it out my mind that she was gone. To the point of wanting to just be doing something. Until I had no choice but to stop and pay attention to what was going on. At that point I sat down and just need to have pep talk with myself. I had to listen to my inner voice and give way to what was now taking over my life. Release the baggage that was holding me in this dark place. Between the grieving, the process of searching for a job I was going through it.

At that moment , I just decided that I was not going to continue on a path that was I was on. I knew it leading me to my downfall. This is when you know you need to worry less and relax more.

The morale of the story is once you figure out that worrying is not getting you anywhere and is not changing anything.it time for a new plan. Go to your happy place and figure out a better plan, unfold the plan, then live your best life with no stress.

Here’s the effects of worrying and stress:

1. You look older than you are. Stress puts years on your life.

2. You take on other people’s problems. When people tell you their problems since you have nothing to do with yours, unfortunately we go into a fix it mood and try and fit all their problems. You can’t fix other people problems.

3. Your brain is not working the way it should because you are overwhelmed with life.

4. Stress leads to depression. No explanation needed. Your in a darker place and the next thing to come with darkness is sadness.

5. Stress lead to weight gain. You start eating more because things in your life is not going well.

Just to name a few…..

worry less and enjoy life more!!!!!!!See how things will change.

Happy New Year!

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We are now in 2018, here’s to being successful the best way we know how.

Let Celebrate what we left and what we gained.

I’m thankful that we got through another year and thankful that even though it was tough we can say we made it.

I say 2018 I’m ready for whatever you have in store.

Happy New Year,

Cynethia.

Bullying

Hi Everybody,

I wanted to talk about something that I’ve experienced as a child.  Bullying!

Yes, I know we are seeing a lot of this in the news. So, I want to shed some light on the situation.

So here is my perspective on bullying:

When I say being bullied should never be a part of children’s life. I mean it. Experiencing bullying first hand has presented an understanding that life is not always peaches and cream.

Children who bully others may have been bullied themselves.  So the only way they know how to exist is to do what has been done to them.

I’m not saying it right but try to see it from both stand points. 


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I would never say that what I have witnessed in the news lately is right. I have watch children’s parents cry because bullying has taken something so precious away.

I will say this, I don’t like the fact that it takes a child to lose their life for the world to wake up and see that bullying is real.

I will say we all need to pay attention to the signs that a child is in distress. Meaning parents, teachers, counselors Etc.

We all need to do our part in helping these children.

There will always be signs something is wrong. Whether the child is not performing to best of their ability, always wanting to be alone, crying, not eating, misbehaving. These are all signs. Pay attention!! 


I know when I was younger.  Due to being bullied I never wanted to go to school. So I would act out and not do well on assignments so the school would have to send me to principal office, to make a phone call to my parent. Just so I could get a break from the bully. This person would always find a way to sit next to me and torment me.

There were plenty of times I spoke to the teacher about it. If he/ she didn’t see the person tormenting the child how can he/she discipline that particular student?   He/she can’t. So the abuse kept happening. I deeply was distress to point that I would pretend I was sick just to stay home.

Even when you speaking up for yourself,  the bully would continue to do it on the sly because now they know someone is watching. So every time the teacher would turn their back the bully would throw something, pull something and/or take something that belongs to another student.

This causes fights. As well as loss of confidence in one’s self.

I didn’t gain my confidence back until after I left Middle School.

So From the 6th to 8th grade. I dealt with 3 girls (Different grades and years)who thought it was ok to be mean and ruthless.


I was so tired of these girls that it got to the point that I had no choice but to inform my parent what was going on. It was to the point that they were following me to my after-school program. Throwing food at me at lunchtime. I was going home dirty like I was not able to feed myself properly.   Come on now I was in Middle School if I didn’t know how to feed myself correctly something was wrong.

So my parent started questioning, why are you coming home dirty every single day? This when I would break down and confessed that I was being bullied.

The tears came from me harboring it and just taking the abuse non- stop. Hoping someone would see and get these girls off my back.

It was so bad that one day after school I was jumped by these two sisters because they were angry about me helping the teacher. Like how foolish do you have to be? Now that I think about it they were just super jealous.

As a child, you don’t think like that. You’re just seeing these kids acting mean and snotty to you.  You just don’t understand it.  You try and deal with it.


Here’s how I dealt with it:

My parent could only do so much. She went to the police they could not do anything because they said I didn’t have any physical bruises. So they couldn’t arrest these girls. So that didn’t help.

In the end, I was left with less hope.

So then she went to the school:

At the time schools was doing meetings. Where you have a sit down with the parent(s) of the bully, the bullies, the parent of the victim and the victim. You sit with the dean of the school you have a conversation about what needs to change and the victim then has to explain what they are feeling. To me, it was the worse thing to have to explain my pain to these girls who were the ones who provoked it. Only to have them use my pain against me.

Their parent told my parent kids will be kids and we would be friends after this was all over.

NOT A Chance that was happening. Tuhh

I wanted to be done with them as soon as possible and the quarter could not come to a close fast enough.


Here is my is my advice for the victims:

You are not alone, you can get through this by speaking up and standing tall. Life gets better and you will go on to be an amazing individual. I went on to be a college grad. I met so really amazing people along those course of my life which is not over yet.

You can only get better. This also taught me how to treat others because it’s so much better to treat people with kindness.

Keep being you. If you don’t have anything world you have you. No one can be you but you. Let those kids know you are not breakable. You don’t have to tell them, show them.

I stand with you. You don’t have to go at it alone.

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Busy Days Are Sometimes The Most Joyous Days!

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As I write this my apartment is getting painted and I’ve been running like a mad woman.

There is nothing more joyous than putting in the work to complete that to-do list that keeps growing a little longer each day.

Now I don’t even bother with feeling the stress of a busy day. I look at it as it’s a productive day.

Some would say, your busiest day is how you know you are moving forward.

For some, this is the busiest time of the year. We are on our merry way to some family time and some much-needed relaxation time.

The holiday season is fast approaching, we gather with our families and friends and spend those happy moments with one another when nothing else matters.

So our days get a little more occupied with the shopping, cooking, wrapping and other sorts of things. While trying to juggle our day to day basic needs.

I cherish the moment when I’ve completed everything on that extremely long list.

BUT!!!!!

One thing I don’t do is beat myself up about not getting everything done on that list. Don’t get me wrong I love to complete everything on it but I know that I only have so many hours in a day.

So here’s a little advice don’t beat yourself up when you haven’t completed everything on that todo list. Save some for the next day. 🙂

 

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!!!!!!!

I hope your homes are filled with love and nothing but joy.

Love always,

Cynethia.

You Can Never Be Too Thankful

As we inch closer to Thanksgiving and as my 26th birthday(November 1st) just past. I feel even more thankful for everything I have. I’m learning the true meaning of being thankful for what you have and what you don’t.

There is nothing more profound than understanding the true meaning of family, happiness, growth, and love.

Let’s talk about family:

My family is my world. We may go through our differences but one thing still remains the same is we will always be FAMILY.

Sometimes that hardest job I have is trying to make sure everyone is ok. I am so focused on making sure no one wants for anything that I forget to think about Cynethia.

This is where your family comes in and reminds me of what’s important.

No family does not have to be blood to bring you back to reality.

Now let’s talk about happiness:

As I inch closer to 30, the only thing that I focus on now is my happiness. If it does not bring me happiness, I move away from it.  I don’t focus on it.

In fact, it doesn’t even catch my attention.  I just don’t see it. This is what keeps my happiness at a balance and understanding that life is too short to focus on things that don’t bring joy and happiness.

How has my growth changed my life?:

My growth has been on top since knowing that I’m changing certain things in my life. Growth and happiness to me go hand and hand. If I’m not happy, how can I grow from the experience?

The growth of understanding that life waits for no one. Is becoming more and more a single statement in my life. It’s a staple of knowing that I am changing for the better. This is also a way of me showing myself how much of an adult I’m becoming.

Who says adult life is not worth trying. No doubt it’s not easy but anything worth having is worth working hard for.

A little hard work doesn’t kill anyone.

Last but not least Love:

Have you ever love something or someone so much that all you ever want to see is it flourish to unprecedented heights. 

I for one love to see people excel to some of the most amazing people they can be. I guess this comes with growth.

I don’t like the idea of not wishing others well.  I love to see people around me be as successful as they see themselves and if I can help in any way. I chose to be right by their side in any shape or form. 

I’ve grown a custom to loving other through their joy, sorrow, and pain. Nothing makes me love life more than putting my best effort forward and helping others through their most trying times.

Love does not have to be a romantic relationship. It can be unbelieve friendship, business (You can love a business) or just plain ole love. 

I want you to write down on a piece of paper or your laptop(whatever method you prefer):,

What your family means to you?

What brings you happiness?

what helps you grow?

How love changed your life?

And then reflect on what your you are thankful for. 

Knowing When to gracefully bow out.

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How do you know when to bow out of something?

I’ll tell you when, 

It’s time to bow out when you feel like it’s not helping you grow or is giving you an understanding of what it has to offer.

The past few days I’ve been pretty busy with trying to figure out what I should keep focusing on and what I should bow out gracefully too. 

It wasn’t until yesterday when I realize that I had to bow out on something that was not giving me a foresight on what could help me grow. It wasn’t an easy decision but it was the best decision I made.

After thinking long and hard about it, as well as getting some motherly advice from my mother, I came to the decision that it was only right to bow out. 

This adult life does not come with a manual on how to navigate the everyday life. But it sure does appear with loads of stress trying to figure it out. They do say when it rains it pours so past few days it’s been pouring down on me. 

So as a young 25-year-old woman, I’m figuring out ways to handle this testing period.  Boy, when I tell you this testing period is putting a strain on me it really is. 

I try to keep my mind in the right space and pray as much as possible. (That’s just my way of dealing with life struggles.) And focus on the bright light that will open my mind to new hills.

Every testing period does bring a new lesson that’s what I keep telling myself and so far its been working. 

Now brings me back to the topic:

If you are anything like me than you will have the most trouble figuring out what to keep focusing on and what to let go without feeling like you are disappointing others.

But in the end, I’ve always disappointed myself the most. So in the conversation, I had with my mother a few days ago.  We talked about how I should always weigh both sides so that one side is not tipping the scale more than the other.

Now, I did ask how to do that because for a minute I didn’t understand what she meant. She explained to me in life we all have to make tuff decisions and sometimes those come with harsh realities. “Now I know what you mean,” I said to her. 

I had a better understanding that the decision I made was for the better who I was destined to be in my future. 

I say all that to say we all need to learn when it best to bow out gracefully. 

I will say I’m at peace with my decision!