Heartache!

One of the toughest things you can deal with is heartache. Right now I am dealing with just that, a heartache. Heartache is not only a romantic things, it can also be over a friendship . The heartache I feel is over the loss of a friend. I really genuinely felt like I could call this person a friend. To be honest, I still feel that way. This heartache sits a little differently.

One day I started to see that things between this person and I had change. I now know that things have changed. I tried my hardest to communicate and reach out to see if there is anything we could do to fix it and try to work on it. As humans you will never be able to stop making mistakes because that is just how we learn, through trial and error. But, because I value friendship and I know from experience that good friends are hard to come by. I wanted to reach out and see if I could remedy the situation. I take friendships just as serious as I take my romantic relationships. Plus, my circle of friends is so small that I try to be as open and honest as possible with the people I choose to let in.

To say I don’t feel anything,I would be a liar because I feel everything that has to do with this heartache. When you go from speaking to a person everyday to them ignoring you and not saying anything to you. That’s what hurts the most. I have tried to ask questions because you can look back to see if you have said anything wrong, overstepped on boundaries. To me it is always better to ask the person who you hurt what you did. I went from hearing from this person everyday to not hearing from this person at all. Let me tell you that is a hard pill to swallow. Especially when you think so highly of this person. You start to question did you mean anything at all. Then you come realize that maybe not. So you sit down and allow yourself to deal with this loss.

My hope is that these people that we feel for and still feel for will. Well in my case will always feel for and have a place in my heart for, understand that you value them. Trust them, and want nothing but the best for them. One day you hope they see that. Even if it means that you won’t be there to see it with them.

Friendships matter in a world that only values what you can do for me. I like to see what I can do for them. So love the friends you have because you never know when they will just walk away from you.

So to this person, If you ever see this just know I value you, and hope one day you and I can have a conversation about what helped us drift apart. Until then friend I wish you love, success and happiness in everything you touch.

Respectfully,

Cynethia!

Identifying You! :)

Over the last couple of months, I’ve been struggling with who I am. I’ve been caught between the people pleaser Cynethia and the I really don’t want to do that Cynethia. I’ve set goals for myself, and didn’t follow through with them. I struggled with love, trust, understanding, being overly emotional, to just down right being complicated.

I having falling apart, pick myself up, fell again and repeated. I neglected my site. Not to mention, I have a job that’s so demanding and tiring that all I want to do when I get home is take a nap at 3 in the afternoon. I say all this to say, I had a couple months of struggle. 🙂

When I realized, I was losing me. I couldn’t figure out where I went wrong. I had all these questions but not a single answer. I remember getting up going to work and doing my job but not feeling the joy I once had. Don’t get me wrong, I love my job and it is rewarding to do what I do and see the results. But….. No one tells you about the after effects of getting the things you love and losing you in the process.

Your friends and textbooks don’t say, “Girl you should make time for you.” You don’t work this hard just to work and not have fun. You need to stop doing everything and just do what you are required to do. No one says, in the working world people only do what is required. Because…. they have been doing the job for so many years, that they have become tired of doing extra of stuff.🤦‍♀️

When I say I was doing everything and feeling overworked. I felt like I had 8 arms and 2 legs and juggling at the same time. If my job offered it, I should have gotten a sticker that said ” the working horse: if you don’t do it, she will.” I was taking on other people’s job because I felt like I had to. Trust, they didn’t object to it; because someone else was doing their job. So they was like here take my workload, I’m just going to sit here and look good. I became tired and aggravated, to point that I started looking at people sideways. What I didn’t realize was, I didn’t set the ground rules when I first came in. I was so afraid of doing something wrong that I was working like my life and legacy depended on it. Which it didn’t, to be truthful and still don’t.

I didn’t want no marks , no F’s, no incomplete, no derogatory comments. Nothing! I was going to prove I was meant to be there and I was able to stand the test of time. Not paying attention to the fact that I was failing at life and failing myself in the process of pleasing a job that would still be there, after I had stress myself out. Let’s be honest, I was headed to stress land. I was on a one way ticket. I wanted so badly to speak up to people who felt like they could tell me what to do but didn’t have the credentials to back it up. Knowing deep down, I had a voice but at that time, the cat had my tongue. I wasn’t at my best and I wasn’t standing in my true form. I was standing in a window of fear and toxic energy that was causing me to question, Who am I?

Until I was able to realize that I was doing more harm than good. I kept this trend going for a few more months before I finally got myself together. Finally, I decide after reading a book that a co-worker had lend me called “TD. Jakes: Instincts,” This book spoke to me so much that I had a moment where I felt like he was sitting in my house, reprimanding me like he was my parent. It was at that moment, I started to realize I no longer wanted to be a yes woman. 🙂 I wanted to be Cynethia again and I knew that she was in there somewhere waiting for me to open the window. Hoping that I would free my inner voice and speak up for the person that my mother raised. Before I found me again, I was coming home complaining and wishing I would have spoke up for myself. Stress eating unhealthy foods and praying that it wouldn’t stick to my thighs, knowing good and well it was. 🤷‍♀️ But hey, it sure was tasty and it helped me bond with my inner struggle. On the weekends, I didn’t want to do nothing. I wanted to sleep. Nothing less, nothing more. No ambition to get stuff done, no determination, no perverances. Letting other opinion dictate what I should be doing, instead of following my instincts on what I know. Bishop Jakes said “Just because a person has more experience than you, doesn’t mean they know more than you.” I found that to be: the truth.

No one should ever make you question your ability to Identify You. No one should ever put fear or toxic energy in your thought process to make you feel like you don’t belong or fit the cause. If you didn’t belong or fit the cause you wouldn’t have made it this far. This is your proof that you belong and you don’t need someone else opinion that you don’t. Another quote I took from the book was “While you can respect others opinion, you cannot walk on someone else wisdom, who have never been on your level.” When I say I was shocked by these word….I was. Because…. in life we takes someone else words to heart way to often. We believe that if they are saying it, they mean it. Here’s a little secret, your enemy can say something that could put you in a worst case scenario. Knowing that it will take you off your game. People in this day an age don’t want someone else to shine because they know it will reflect on what they don’t have or strive to have. Harsh reality for a harsh world. We all like to try and see the good but in this thing called life , the bad balances everything out. You can’t have something positive without something negative popping up. And you can’t have something good without the bad. This is how life is meant to work and have been for many years. How you interpret it is how you see yourself at that moment. Life will only give you what you put out in the world. This is what I am realizing as become an older woman in my late 20s. You can’t have the good without bad. You can’t be at peace without finding what truly makes you happy. These are all things that Identifies You.

What did I do to get back to me? I found more positive things to make me change my outlook on my life. I listen to podcast,I read more books and quotes, I changed my circle of friends and watch who I let near me. But…. most importantly I follow my instincts because I know they won’t leave me hanging. I don’t do what I don’t want to do. I listen to others opinions but I don’t take it to heart anymore. I realize people like to talk and I no longer care; to be honest. I can’t change a person opinion and it’s not part of my job description, so why do I care. Once I came to that conclusion that everyone is not meant to like you and\or accept you. I freed my mind. Because their opinion does not help me pay my bills, feed my family, help me get in to the afterlife, put more money in my bank account. Help me do my job effectively. Why do I care? Some people love to hear themselves talk because they like the sound of their voices; it soothes their souls and put a bandaid on what they don’t want to face at that moment: Themselves.

One thing you can’t run from is YOU. Eventually you have to face you and your troubles (struggles). So I ask that you Identify you. No matter how strong we think we are, there is something that catches our tongues and hold on to them. Know the signs and knock them out the park. Before you become like me and forget your identity and lose who you are meant to be.

Until next time,

Cynethia🙂❤🙌

When do you say “I am enough”?

My 2019 has started off with some awesome days. As I type this I came to realization that I am enough. No one can tell me how to live my life, what to expect from my life, what I should focus on in my life. I am living my life for me. In 2019, I will not be afraid to take a risk.


When I came to this Epiphany, I was telling this guy, I liked him. I did say in 2019 I was going to go after everything I wanted no matter how scary it may be, I was going after it. So being the Scorpio ♏️ I am. I was like why not let him know you like him. So I did.


Well let just say after I did , the nerves set in and now my head/heart won’t (I did say I wasn’t going to use this word either.)stop thinking what have you done🤦🏾‍♀️. I remember I said I was not going to allow me to stand in my way. I meant what I said. This is when the words “I am enough” set in. I was getting ready to text him to forget it but then I was like girl get over yourself. You said your peace, let it go and move on.


So that’s what I did. We had a conversation and he expressed a different feeling because let’s just face it, I’m a lot to handle. Being a strong willed woman and a focus one at that can be a lot for one man to handle. Let me clarify, a lot for the wrong man to handle. One thing I do know, is how to be a woman who is supportive of a man she seeks and show him the affection he needs. Especially when it’s needed. So when he said he didn’t feel the same, I was disappointed at first but I quickly understood.


So when he ask to be friends, I was like cool. As I type this I’m moving past my feelings for him because he said he wanted to be friends but I’m seeing things differently. No, he doesn’t want a relationship but does he really want a friendship? Here’s where I learn to read the signs of what happening inside my circle that is ever so small. With my friends I communicate with them mostly every now and again. I check on them, I ask them what’s happening in their lives. You know the usual. I’m checking but he’s not. 🤷🏾‍♀️


Also, I remember I said if it doesn’t serve a purpose, I’m letting it go. It will be removed from my life. I meant that as well. What I don’t want to do is not be a supportive friend but I also like to be supported. I’ve dealt with the friends where the relationship was one-sided and I vowed to eliminate those kinds of relationships. I plan to keep that tradition in 2019. Right now I’m not seeing the purpose this person serves in my life. He’s just holding up space that could be use for someone who may need me to be a ear, shoulder or place to be true friend. I can’t be a true friend if this person won’t allow me in.


Though I know this may be hard for this person because My intuition says that he’s trying to figure me out as much as I’m trying figure him out. We may need to just part ways. If it’s meant to be we may meet again in the future. Then, just maybe we both will have some clarity on what we both want or he may meet his forever or I will meet mine. Either way we just can’t keeping going down a road that is not clear. It’s not a positive thing. It’s a hindering thing. What I will not allow is for something to hinder me in place that’s I can’t see the potential in its future. So today, I will be having a conversation with this person. If we can’t come to some sort of understanding/clarity then it time to remove it from my life.


When you feel like you are not enough. I want you to say to yourself, “I am enough.” Cancel those negative thoughts and focus on what you know and what you can do. Don’t focus on the what will happen if I say this or do this. Focus on the what will happen, if I spoke it into existence or what will happen if I took that step and followed through. Nine times out ten you will feel relieved and at peace. Take that step, it ok to be anxious but don’t block yourself from freedom.

Until next time,

Cynethia🙂

Welcome, 2019!

Happy New Year, I would like to do some reflecting on the past year.

From starting a new job, planning for my future, to setting plans and procedures to help make it thru the upcoming year(2019).

We are now, 6 days in, I can say honestly that I never felt so good about a year, even though it just started.

My plan is to make this year my best from working hard at a job I love, to focusing on being a woman of growth and strength. As well as taking the good and the bad with the outlook of a positive outcome. Whether it is the outcome I wanted or the outcome that was needed. I plan to make the best of it no matter what.

This year I will only focus on the positive. My mindset is that I will no longer allow the negative to impact my mind, my soul, my performance, my ethics, nothing that I know that as a strong-willed woman that I can control. I will no longer allow it to have a hold on me, it will be ignored and pushed out of my thought process.

I’m no longer using words such as can’t and won’t. These are words that hold negative endings. Well to me it does. I will not be limiting myself from trying to conquer every challenge that is placed in front of me.

So here is to the New Year. Let’s fight for what we want and taking every step, not just the first few.

Happy Weekend!!!!

September is just flying by.

As another week comes to a close. I want to do some reflecting.


Can you say that you are the same person you were a year ago?

I can’t.

I can say I have grown into something so different, so much so it surprises me sometimes.😊

From the ever-changing days to ever-changing nights. 

When we sleep we dream of the impossible but when we wake up we see the impossible. 

There is no feeling greater than impossible.  


 As individuals, we see that those impossibles become possibilities.

When they become possibilities they become a legacy. 

I bet you didn’t think about that.🤔

You don’t have to be famous to leave a legacy.😉


Legacy: What does a legacy mean to you?

My hope for my legacy is: 

When people think of me, I hope they say she was kind-hearted, determined, and focused to be the best woman/person she could be.

I hope they say when she started something she never looked back until that task was completed.

She moved on knowing she did everything possible to show her tenacity. 

Her words were to be spoken with purpose and spoken with no fear but faith in the task at hand.

This is what I hope my legacy leads to.

What do you hope for your legacy?


As I reflect on my growth and my upcoming impossibles.

All I ask is that you keep building a legacy that will show and leave a lasting impression on the world. Better yet the people you touch. 

I’ll end it here by saying you touch everyone you come in contact with.

Even when you think you don’t, know that you do and they feel the power of you

Keep flying friends,

Cynethia!

First Week Back to Work!!!!

My first week back to work:

As I was a little nervous getting ready to enter back into my routine, after being off for

the summer. 

With a feeling and a little voice inside my head telling me that I would be ok.

I still felt butterflies in my stomach like it was my first day. 

I remember entering into the same building for nine months only missing two but parts of me were still unsure.

I did my regular stuff, saw some of my co-workers and went into my orientation like any other day.

Little did I know, my gut was telling me that changes were happening.

After all the meetings and getting through the first half of the morning. 

I found out I would be moving from the very first place I ever worked for ☹.

Are you ready for the happy part:

Still a little scared but found out this place was super close to my home and had some of

my co-workers moving as well.  I was getting home before rush hour (💃). 

Plus, after the first few days, I felt a little better about this new change.

Changes you say:

One great part is it was within walking distances of my home. 

Some of my co-workers were joining me.

less traffic in the morning/ less hassle of having to plan my route to leave before the sun comes up.

peace of mind.

These are great changes and I look forward to achieving so many things with this new change.

PS, Change is better when you’re able to share it.

Share your change and I bet you will feel amazing about it.

Speak to you all soon,

Cynethia!

 

Happy Monday/Labor Day

Hello Everyone,

As we welcome the unofficial end to summer.☹

Yes, it is time to say Goodbye to our summer holidays and hello to our beautiful work

environment. (😊see what I did there.)

I don’t want you to feel like its a burden. I want you to feel like you’re going to rock

whatever comes your way.💃🕺

There is going to be some challenges, I know for a fact you will make it through every last one.

Plus, you will say to yourself, “WOW!!!! that wasn’t so bad.”

Allow yourself the chance to be you. Do things your way and follow what your gut and

mind tell you.

Never overshadow your potential and never forget what you are capable of. 🎉🎊

Wake up every day and feel like there is nothing standing in your way and continue to push through.

So I wish you nothing but happiness and success as we push through together.

until next time friend,

Cynethia🙌🙌🙌

 

 

 

Back to Work/School

Hello All,

As summer comes to a close, I want to wish those of you going back to school or work a

successful and amazing school/work year.

I will be going to back to work in September with new hope and new guidance.

I can’t wait to see what this new school year has to offer

and what’s in the works for my future.

I will be working on the site and working a full-time job but I will give both

my all when it comes time to put in the work.

Thank you for sticking it out with me and helping build something that is so dear to my

heart.

In beginning,I wanted Redefined Love to be a site that allowed others to read and feel at

peace knowing that you are not alone in whatever you went through or whatever you

maybe going through.

I still feel that but I would like to make it feel like we are also growing and making

changes happen in life.

For so long my life has been at a stand still and it’s picking up now. As it picks up and

move forward I will be showing some of my life because I can’t really show it all.

Come along with me on my new Journey 🙂

 

Hey all!!!

Long time no speak, I will be remodeling the site to better suit my ever-changing life. Then I will be writing more post on the changes that have happened in my life. As well as keeping you guys in tune with my day-to-day.

I will try to post on the weekends, once I get the site the way I want it.

Here to changes and growth.