My 2019 has started off with some awesome days. As I type this I came to realization that I am enough. No one can tell me how to live my life, what to expect from my life, what I should focus on in my life. I am living my life for me. In 2019, I will not be afraid to take a risk.
When I came to this Epiphany, I was telling this guy, I liked him. I did say in 2019 I was going to go after everything I wanted no matter how scary it may be, I was going after it. So being the Scorpio ♏️ I am. I was like why not let him know you like him. So I did.
Well let just say after I did , the nerves set in and now my head/heart won’t (I did say I wasn’t going to use this word either.)stop thinking what have you done🤦🏾♀️. I remember I said I was not going to allow me to stand in my way. I meant what I said. This is when the words “I am enough” set in. I was getting ready to text him to forget it but then I was like girl get over yourself. You said your peace, let it go and move on.
So that’s what I did. We had a conversation and he expressed a different feeling because let’s just face it, I’m a lot to handle. Being a strong willed woman and a focus one at that can be a lot for one man to handle. Let me clarify, a lot for the wrong man to handle. One thing I do know, is how to be a woman who is supportive of a man she seeks and show him the affection he needs. Especially when it’s needed. So when he said he didn’t feel the same, I was disappointed at first but I quickly understood.
So when he ask to be friends, I was like cool. As I type this I’m moving past my feelings for him because he said he wanted to be friends but I’m seeing things differently. No, he doesn’t want a relationship but does he really want a friendship? Here’s where I learn to read the signs of what happening inside my circle that is ever so small. With my friends I communicate with them mostly every now and again. I check on them, I ask them what’s happening in their lives. You know the usual. I’m checking but he’s not. 🤷🏾♀️
Also, I remember I said if it doesn’t serve a purpose, I’m letting it go. It will be removed from my life. I meant that as well. What I don’t want to do is not be a supportive friend but I also like to be supported. I’ve dealt with the friends where the relationship was one-sided and I vowed to eliminate those kinds of relationships. I plan to keep that tradition in 2019. Right now I’m not seeing the purpose this person serves in my life. He’s just holding up space that could be use for someone who may need me to be a ear, shoulder or place to be true friend. I can’t be a true friend if this person won’t allow me in.
Though I know this may be hard for this person because My intuition says that he’s trying to figure me out as much as I’m trying figure him out. We may need to just part ways. If it’s meant to be we may meet again in the future. Then, just maybe we both will have some clarity on what we both want or he may meet his forever or I will meet mine. Either way we just can’t keeping going down a road that is not clear. It’s not a positive thing. It’s a hindering thing. What I will not allow is for something to hinder me in place that’s I can’t see the potential in its future. So today, I will be having a conversation with this person. If we can’t come to some sort of understanding/clarity then it time to remove it from my life.
When you feel like you are not enough. I want you to say to yourself, “I am enough.” Cancel those negative thoughts and focus on what you know and what you can do. Don’t focus on the what will happen if I say this or do this. Focus on the what will happen, if I spoke it into existence or what will happen if I took that step and followed through. Nine times out ten you will feel relieved and at peace. Take that step, it ok to be anxious but don’t block yourself from freedom.
Until next time,