Knowing When to gracefully bow out.

October 27, 2017

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How do you know when to bow out of something?

I’ll tell you when,

It’s time to bow out when you feel like it’s not helping you grow or is giving you an understanding of what it has to offer.

The past few days I’ve been pretty busy with trying to figure out what I should keep focusing on and what I should bow out gracefully too.

It wasn’t until yesterday when I realize that I had to bow out on something that was not giving me a foresight on what could help me grow. It wasn’t an easy decision but it was the best decision I made.

After thinking long and hard about it, as well as getting some motherly advice from my mother, I came to the decision that it was only right to bow out.

This adult life does not come with a manual on how to navigate the everyday life. But it sure does appear with loads of stress trying to figure it out. They do say when it rains it pours so past few days it’s been pouring down on me.

So as a young 25-year-old woman, I’m figuring out ways to handle this testing period. Boy, when I tell you this testing period is putting a strain on me it really is.

I try to keep my mind in the right space and pray as much as possible. (That’s just my way of dealing with life struggles.) And focus on the bright light that will open my mind to new hills.

Every testing period does bring a new lesson that’s what I keep telling myself and so far its been working.

Now brings me back to the topic:

If you are anything like me than you will have the most trouble figuring out what to keep focusing on and what to let go without feeling like you are disappointing others.

But in the end, I’ve always disappointed myself the most. So in the conversation, I had with my mother a few days ago. We talked about how I should always weigh both sides so that one side is not tipping the scale more than the other.

Now, I did ask how to do that because for a minute I didn’t understand what she meant. She explained to me in life we all have to make tuff decisions and sometimes those come with harsh realities. “Now I know what you mean,” I said to her.

I had a better understanding that the decision I made was for the better who I was destined to be in my future.

I say all that to say we all need to learn when it best to bow out gracefully.

I will say I’m at peace with my decision!

What Is Understood Don’t Need To Be Explained!

October 18, 2017

Here’s how I feel about this topic. When you have an understanding of what you want from your life, you don’t have to explain it to others.

I’ve come to understand that people will want you to explain everything to them so they can be part of your circle. Not everyone deserves to be part of your circle.

Have you ever heard of the saying some people are meant to be in your life for a season?

I’m a true believer that some people are meant to be in your life for a season. When you start feeling like you have to explain yourself to people who can’t be happy for your growth or your success because they feel like you changed. Here’s the thing, You’ve outgrown them! point blanket period.

Those are the people who are only meant to be in your life for a season.

When you feel like they have something negative to say about how far you have come.

And when your feelings have changed about hanging out with them.

That’s when you know you’ve outgrown them.

It’s never a mistake to grow, it’s only a mistake to feel like you have to hold yourself back to make other’s feel comfortable.

Let me ask you this If you were giving a job opportunity to move up in your career and that means your not able to hang out as much with your friends.

So they start to feel like you’ve abandoned them.

They start to complain about how you’ve changed and you don’t come around as much any more etc. We’ve all been there.

Here’s A question:

Are you going to resign from your job?

I’ll wait………..

Here’s the answer:

I don’t think so. Especially if you’re going to make enough money to get that dream house or car you’ve been eyeing.

So why should you resign from making your life better or feeling guilty about making the right choices for you?

Here’s another solution:

Stop explaining yourself and do what you have to do to be successful. If that means shying away from being in places that could make your image bad.

Don’t go!

If you have to think about it wasn’t right for you in the first place. If you feel like it’s pulling teeth to be in places that make you feel uncomfortable. But makes your friends comfortable. Then you need to re-evaluate your circle.

If they were your real friends they would know that you don’t like certain things and won’t invite you to these places. You don’t need to be at every function. Just like they don’t need to know every detail about your growth. I would say just tell them the important things.

It’s never ok to hide your success out of fear of what others think.

So what is understood don’t need to be explained.

Your struggles should be the backdrop to your success: My Story.

October 16, 2017

Evey struggle that you’ve ever faced should be a lesson. I’ve discovered that your struggles will teach you things about yourself.

Every time you are going through something, you should look at it as a new lesson and a blessing.

Every time you feel like you are ready to give up, take a second and count the many other lessons you’ve learned.

As I get older, I realize that life will only provide struggles you can handle.

Here’s one of my struggles,

Most of my school life I’ve had to strive to get an education. Due to the fact, I have a learning disability. I didn’t learn the material as fast as my peers, so I was labeled.

With a learning disability, you have so many challenges place upon you that the world just doesn’t understand. Besides the people who have one.

You have the added pressure of executing things on time and making sure you work as hard as the other students so you won’t be singled out.

Not to mention kids picking on you when you’re just trying to do the best you can.

I not only faced the bullying, I also had to face a school system that was not designed to help me succeed.

Once I completed middle school, like any other student in the USA, You go off and start your high school years.

High school is supposed to teach you about hard work and getting you ready for college and your adult life. My high school experience was nothing like that at all.

I would probably say it was the worse thing ever, to be completely honest.

Here’s my story,

When I started high school, I was excited and ready to do things that I’ve seen my friends do. Like travel to school by myself, meet new people, get to learn new material, all this great stuff that comes with attending high school.

I went into a class that was the perfect size for me. Not too big, not too small. It was a class for kids with a learning disability. So the children were just like me. I don’t remember what they called it but I was excelling in that class because of how small it was. Not too many distractions just enough children to get you help if needed it.

It was going so well my first year, I finished my freshman year with all A’s.

Here comes the struggle,

When I entered to my sophomore year, NYC Lawmakers decides that they needed to change the policy for students with learning disabilities and proceed to put them in a class with 30 or more students.

which I think it was called a general education class with teacher support.

Yeah, my education went downhill from there.

I was struggling to keep my grades up. Let’s be honest I wasn’t learning anything at all. There were so many distractions and the teachers could not help me because they were dealing with over 30 or more students.

Talk about a dilemma.

My mother started to see that I was not performing as well as. This when she began to investigate. Thank God for mom’s who know their children.

I went from A’s to summer school and repeating the same grade twice. Yeah, talk about bad. It was bad.

Talk about a bad high school experience. I would have been ok with being embarrassed by others knowing my high school crush.

Never thought I would have to be in a situation that would be detrimental to my future.

This caused me graduate late and I ended up in homeschool after my mother took me out the high school that was not suitable for me anymore. Which is a whole another story because they tried to take me away from my mother. They refuse to give my mother a transfer so she could put me somewhere else that could benefit me in the long run.

The positive:

I ended up in best thing that could have ever happen to me which was homeschool. The Blessing. The one on one attention had me focus. I finished and went on to college an excelled in that as well.

Talk about a struggle of life.

Here’s what I learned,

Just think, if I would have given up and told my mother to stop fighting because I was in deep depression and couldn’t find my footing and kept slipping on the ice that was in front of me.

I was in a dark hole with no light, no hand, a little bit of faith.

I fought my faith after realizing that there was calling on my life and listening to Cece Winans song called Waging War. I didn’t know at the time that calling was for me to help others. Now that I look back at my early years, I realize I was always helping someone.

This is what I’m supposed to do. I learned that my struggle taught me how to be positive in the midst of adversity.

This is why I try to see the positive in any situation because I just don’t think anything can get me in a serious depression as I once was.

I was at my worse and I could not see the light. I was hoping for the light but there wasn’t any.

Learning that you can put your best effort into anything and still fall a little short until its time for you to shine.

The lesson I was supposed to learn was that if you have faith anything is possible.

Before high school I was not living I was existing and not putting my best foot forward. I can admit that because now I see how far I’ve come.

The message:

Don’t hide from your struggles. Face them because the lessons you will receive will be amazing. I may not like every struggle I face but I know that those struggle will come with a blessing that will have me reaching for any star within my grasp or beyond.

Focus on the positive because it will get you through anything. The negative will only keep you down.

The Joy of Job Searching: My Tips

October 12, 2017

Searching for a job has been the most tiring process ever. If you are just getting out of college and/or almost finished. But you are ready to start looking for work please have patience because it will not be an easy task.

When I was in School I did go to the job fair, I attended the career center meetings. Made friends with loads of people in my major department. Friendly to anybody that would talk to me. Became my school’s computer club president. You name it I did it. All while keeping my grades up. Talk about trying to make sure my resume look good.

Still no Luck!

Networking:

let’s be honest, I did do some networking but it wasn’t enough. I could have done more.

This is something I wish I knew before completing my college education.

Here how you should network:

Interact with people in your department. (Don’t be afraid say hi, good morning, this will help you in the end.)
Get to know your career center very well.(Something I wish knew instead of just going for meetings and fairs.)
Ask your friends and family if they have any recommendations (Something I started so late. Don’t be like me start early.)
Apply for an internship while you’re still in school. (Man, did I make a big mistake by not applying for all the internships that were on my department’s counter.) I probably would be working right now had I done that.
Here is why I say that internships sometimes turn into permanent positions. Plus it can count as experience. You will see why I say that as you read on.
Speak to your department’s chairperson. (I spoke, I just never ask questions or see if she could help me with life after college.)
Get involved with other clubs not just your department’s. The bright side is it could lead to other offers.

One of the hardest things I’m finding searching for a job is the experience you need to get the job. Everything needs to be a certain number of certifications and years of experience.

Something that has me curious is:

Drum roll, please…………

Why is it that jobs are no longer training you anymore? Don’t you need to be taught how things work in a new environment and not just know everything right off the back?

Another Thing:

Give yourself a Pep talk:

You need to encourage yourself because it can become a bit much. Looking continuously every single day. You can feel down. Especially with the everyday life struggles. And you start to feel like you are losing this battle but you are not.

Here what I say to myself:

I have what it takes to keep looking.
I’m going to find a job
Have faith in the midst of the struggle.
This is just a test.
Life will get better.

Have a routine:

Here’ s why I say this. You can search so much that you become so stressed. Know when it’s time to stop.

I was waking up like I had an actual job and making it feel like a chore. So I was so stressed out. To the point, I needed a break. And you know what I did I took the break. The best decision I made for myself.

Here’s my old routine:

Wake up between hours of 6-7 AM.
Thanking God for giving me another day. (Just my personal preference.)
Go make my breakfast/ start the computer up so it will be ready after I eat.
While eating breakfast, phone in hand, I’d check emails to see if I have any offers for interviews.
Finish eating.
Wash my dishes.
Grab my chair/ type my password into my computer.
Proceeds with my search.
Around 11 or 12, I’d take my lunch break.
Around 1, I return to my computer and finish searching.
You get the point until about 4pm when I’ve had enough of placing resume on site that would be suitable for my career.

Can you say dedicated? 🙂

I was so invested in finding a job that by the time 4 PM came around I was over it and wanted to be done with it.

Don’t do this to yourself, I repeat don’t do it to yourself.

Set boundaries.

Know when you’ve had enough.

When I Realized that everything is going to be alright:

There is nothing crazier to me rather than trying to find a job in something you’ve done your whole life and still don’t have enough experience to actually get the job.

*Rolls eyes completely.*

The Struggle is real.

There is something to be said about having patience and focusing on the goal of working. You need a strong support system to get you through this tiring process. Because your emotions will be through the roof. You’ll feel like you went to school for nothing and feel like you need to go back because that’s what everyone is telling you.

Wait, There’s always catch,

If you are like me and you don’t have the money. Plus, you don’t want to take out a loan Because of your fear of being in debt.

Yeah, I feel your pain.

Who said I wanted to be in debt my whole life. No one mentions getting an education and then having to go back and get more knowledge and spending more money which does not guarantee you a job.

All it means is you took the step for you to have a better shot at getting your feet a little closer to meeting the target of what is required of you.

*confused look.*

Another question:

How can you get the experience if you are always in class? Here are things our present and past college/university students would like answers to.

Here are things our past and present college students would like answers to.

In conclusion

If I would have known it would have taken this long I would have started searching while I was still in school. Don’t get me wrong, I love the idea of working hard to find something that suits you. But jeez-Louise I have been out of school for months now. Graduated in June 2017 but have been done since December 2016. It has been almost a year of no luck.

BUT,

After all these questions, I realize that everything is going to be alright because I have faith that something will come through for me.

So the joy of searching will continue.

STOP Searching For Confirmation From Others.

October 11, 2017

First, let me start by saying you don’t need me to tell you that you are doing just fine. This thing called life can leave you feeling like you need confirmation from the people around you. I’m going to let you in on a little secret, you don’t. 🙂

So let us kill that myth right now. You only need you drive and determination to make it all come to fruition. Just keep doing amazing friend.

You don’t need no one to confirm anything you do. Learn to stand on your own and you will do amazing things. I’m not saying you’re not going to need anyone in your life. You just don’t need confirmation for everything you do.

There is such thing as needing people too much. And as a person who learned the hard way. People do get tired of you asking them for favors and always asking them what they think. If they are busy trying to figure out their own solutions, you are adding more pressure that doesn’t need to be there.

Allow yourself the Chance to figure out what works for your path. Because your path is different than everyone around you. Your journey is not your mother’s, Father’s, or friends it’s your own. No one can confirm what feels right to you. But you.

Stop worrying yourself to death over what is not working and start finding solutions. There is always a solution to a problem that may seem so big. You just need to find it.

Confirm your own success. We as the human race feel like we need confirmation because that’s what society wants us to think. I’ve never been one for societies confirmation. I’ve always confirmed my own success. I don’t like the idea of having someone confirm something I already knew was right for me. You can have an opinion great, but you won’t change my mind on what I already know is part of my path.

Yes, it took me some time to get to a point where no one opinions mattered because with anything in life you have to learn how perfected the ability to stand against the naysayers and the people who think they know everything. Humph…………

When in reality they are learning just like you. No one person knows everything. So don’t feel bad if you haven’t mastered the art of ignoring people, who life is no different than yours but have a full opinion about yours. Just laugh and keep it moving you don’t need their confirmation.

Because you can confirm it for yourself. Look in the mirror and say, I will be successful because I know that is apart of my path. Trust and believe those naysayers will look at you like you got it all together. Then that’s when the rumors will start. But that’s another topic. 🙂

I’ll leave you with this, Learn to be your own confirmation. At the end of the day when everyone leaves you will still have you. Confirm what you know is on your path. I’m am sure you’ve had some signs, dreams, hints. You get the point. You just need to find YOUR Solution. 🙂

Open Your Ears & Close Your Mouth

October 10, 2017

For the longest time, I thought I knew everything. Not realizing that I really knew nothing. Anytime somebody would ask me something I would have an answer. Whenever my mother would reprimand me I would talk back until I felt like I had gotten the last word. Now, don’t judge me for talking back that was just my way of showing I knew it all.

Now that I’m older and understand its better to open your ears and close your mouth. I realize that its power in knowledge and understanding. When I say power in knowledge and understanding, I mean you have to learn something before you can understand it. If you don’t agree with me, tell me the last time you went to a new job knowing everything and being successful.

I bet you weren’t, somebody needed to teach you how things worked in that new environment. You had to open your ears and close your mouth so you could learn how to work this new job to the best of your ability. Now I bet you are saying, psst you know nothing of what you are saying. Well, I do. I had to learn this the hard way.

There is something to be said about listening and not talking when the class is in session. For so long I had this walk through life attitude thinking I knew how my life would go because I have a type A personality. I want it to be this way or it’s no way at all. If wasn’t happening the way I like it I felt that it shouldn’t be done. Kinda messed up thinking, right. Yeah, it is. Until I finished school and started to see that life does not give you instructions on what you should do next. Let me tell you, I was so wrong about thinking I knew everything. I really knew nothing about how life really works. Until I open my ears and closed my mouth.

This thing called life will humble you to the point of no return. It will take things from you and it will never give you things you want. It will only give you the things you need. Furthermore, life was design to show you that it has ample opportunities but not every opportunity is yours for the taken.

This thing called life can put you in a funk and leave you there for days. With no sight of light until it feels like you’ve humbled yourself enough to take the next step. Let me enlighting you friend when I say humble yourself to this class called Life because it has some storms you don’t want to see. It will teach you something before it allows you keep moving on the destructive path your on.

There is no teacher here to tell you the rules you need to follow. I will say there is a lesson that you will learn though. Before you leave this earth you’ll have many lessons in a class called life 101. If you don’t get the first lesson don’t worry there will be thousands more where the first one came from.

Some will leave you questioning why these lessons keep knocking you down. Here a little help maybe your just not listening to what this lesson is trying to tell you. Maybe you should try a different approach to solving this problem that only keeps repeating itself. Maybe open your ears and close your mouth.

It also a beautiful thing when you have people who’ve had similar struggles as you to give pointers. It’s also easy to write them off thinking they know nothing. This is where you need to humble yourself because there are people in this world who are not trying to dictate to you but trying to help you. Sometimes those people can be older than you and younger than you. Those same people you are writing off can help you see the light at the end of the tunnel. In the end, it can bring you peace just by opening your ears and closing your mouth.

Try it the next time someone is giving you advice on something. Open your ears and close your mouth. Then ask yourself how can I apply that to my everyday life. I now understand the term it’s better to listen than talk all the damn time. As my mother would say, it’s better to be seen and not heard.

Trust me, I love to talk but I love to listen more. 🙂

Follow Your Heart!!!

October 9, 2017

Do you know what your heart is saying? Do you know what your heart wants? Do you have an idea of how your heart feels or are you just blocking out the sound of your heart altogether? Learning to listen to that organ in your body can be a little scary because of so many times before it’s let you down. I will say I know how you feel because mine has let me down as well but I can count on one hand those times. I will say my heart has also had some successful moments.

Sometimes I wonder how can one thing be right and wrong at the same time. Here’s my answer, your heart has a way of testing its boundaries. This organ sometimes gives you your wants, your needs, your hope and your dreams. It even gives you your faith. Pay attention because it can also give you your fears as well. Have you ever just sat down and listen to what that organ had to say. How it says it to you by beating fast when you get next to someone that you have a crush on. How it makes you break out in cold sweat from being nervous. Pay attention to the little things.

This one organ can put you through so many emotions. It can be your inspiration and it can be your miserable truth all in one. I learned a long time ago that faith and the heart go hand and hand. When you have faith and trust your instincts you will see that your heart can clear your mind. One of the reasons I love the organ we call a heart is that when I’m confused and need a little guidance to choose what’s right. I focus on how I’m feeling on the inside. If my anxiety is going haywire I know I should do it. If I’m too calm about something then I know it’s time to leave it alone or let it go. This is how I decide if its the right thing for me. I have done this for the last few years. It works so well.

Your heart may work a little different than mine. One thing I do know is, if you pay attention to what it says, you can figure out how your heart works best for you. Pay attention to the feeling you get when you about take a big plug. Look at the different signs that say give it a try or the signs that say leave it alone. At first, it’s going to be hard to understand those signs but once you get you and your heart on the same page you will feel at ease. I Know I do. The heart is something that some of us take lightly and for granted. So I ask you to give the organ that gives you life a chance to show you that you can make the right decisions by just listening. Remember when your parents would say if you just listen then everything will go the way you want it. So open your ears and close your mouth and you will probably find your answer.

Welcome To Redefined Love!

Redefinedlove.blog will provide a look into my life. So come along for the ride.

Month: October 2017